No County for Broken Hearts

So its been a minute since I posted and I thought I would like to share a little of whats been going on with me. So much has happened its not even funny in all aspects from relationships, money, and just basic life. It scares me almost on how problematic and hopeless my love life is that I almost assume it wont get better. Im so over it at this point it overwhelms me,, if that even makes sense. A couple months ago I was played like Ive never been played in my life,, i still have nightmares about it. Im slowly recovering,, but Im sorry to admit that it has pushed me away from the feeling I will ever be in love with anyone. Its like my heart was made to be broken. Im finding myself gettin used to the pain to where when things go wrong I dont even cry because it bound to happen.

I cant hardly think straight when it comes to how I feel about giving my heart to a man. i would love to but it feels its not worth it in all for him to just break it. men dont give a damn about feelings and Ive come to believe they are all the same. Yes I said it all men are the same,, they are all filled with bullshit and some just grow out of it faster than others. Im giving up Im throwing in the towel and i really dont care anymore what anyone has to say. yes Im bitter, mostly Im hurt and I dont even want to deal with it,, Im not strong enough at this point to care about love anymore.People associate being in Love as weak,, however,, Love is the strongest emotion to exude because it takes the most out of you. People are lazy so they dont want to put in the effort to love another,, they are only capable of thinking of self.

Two of the most realest songs out right now is Jhene' Aiko's "Stranger" and Beyonce's "Best Thing I Never Had." If you haven't heard them please do, they speak volumes to me right now in the worst way. Because Im such a nice,, loving person,, it makes it hard for me to not put effort into a man I'm feeling I'm not one for games but I guess in the dating world they have to be played so I follow suit but I just want thing to be organic. i want to meet someone who isn't planing to do me in. Someone to actually care about me and my feelings,, but I'm slowly starting to believe I can run for President and win before I could find love and that makes me sad.Ive been trying to dissect myself and wonder why I'm never the one to win in Love and War and I haven't figured it out yet,, I question who I am because I have failed so much  I don't know what to do anymore,, I'm tired of waiting I'm tired of being patient I don't even want to look anymore or even be sought after I'm over it...bye bye to the thought of Love for now.