In my life I have been through some crazy shit,, a lot of which I'm not proud of. However, the one thing I have always maintained was a good heart and good loyal standing to people I care about and I have come to realize that people don't have the same emphasis for the concept to me as I do. I'm a GREAT FRIEND!! I stand true to it. If I ride for you then consider that a blessing. But what I hate about my loyalty and heart has let people to still over look it and want to hurt me by taking my kindness for a sign to take advantage of me.
If you know me you know I'm a sweetheart and I'm so nice and welcoming to everyone I meet. its just who I am,, and some people don't appreciate that about me and it hurts me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm just too caring. i care a lot of my image taking that there are people in my life that can ruin it if they choose too. I have had people who I trusted talk shit about me and say really mean things behind my back about me but never to my face. I feel that a lot of people in my life have only been around to use me. Ive been played by boys and girls and secretly it has eaten away at my confidence. For the first time in my life I'm learning to not give a fuck what people say and just live my life the way I choose to. I'm learning that people are gonna have an opinion of who I am no matter if I have done all the bad things in my life or not. I'm growing and they are growing so their opinion holds no wait because nobody is perfect.
A recent conversation about me by two people I care about was brought back to me and a lot of hurtful things were said and at this point I'm no longer mad at the words that were said I'm mad at the fact I cared so much about what was said to the point it made me question who I was. People talk shit,, that's something I can't change but what I can change is how I feel about it and how I address my actions. I stand by my faults and my accomplishments,, they teach me a lot about myself and life. It saddens me sometimes that I have to learn from some of my mistakes int he way I do but I'm just learning to accept the the things I have done as a story to tell and a lesson to learn. I used to be so wrapped up in others peoples thoughts and that's not the way to live.
I have to say my favorite shoe designer right now has to be Gianmarco Lorenzi!! If I could ever get my hands on some money to buy shoes with a comma on the price tag,, his collection would be the first I would browse. I love how extreme these heels are they are so high fashion and would definitely get you noticed. I live only for platforms so his signature open platform is soooo me. Sexy in all the right places,, where is my rich husband at to get me these lmao!!
I dont know How it is, Where it is, or Why it is Im attracted to ASSWHOLES!! Like WTF!! I dont wana be like a typical bitter woman saying Men Aint Shit,, but according to Lyfe Jennings only 10% of good men are in the world for my liking that I have to compete with the rest of the women out there for. Now lets confess,, I have done my share of I aint shit moments,, we all have Im by far no saint... but my good by far out weighs my bad in my book because I know I have a very strong and well to do heart and always mean well even when Im wrong. (That makes sense trust me). But Im over it!! I would love a great guy but for some reason,, I only attract asswholes what is it about me that does that?? I have alot of soul searching to do I guess.
Im tired tho,, I just want to find a good guy who is about real things. I don't even like ass wholes,, but for some reason they are all I get. Where do the good,, sweet guys hang out at?? What social network do they frequent?? What church do they go to??(Cuz asshwholes are in there too). I just want a sweet guy who I dont have to tell how to be a gentleman he just already knows,, someone who like to see me smile and see me happy. Someone I don't have to worry if he is gona do some fucked up thing to me or try to manipulate and take advantage of me when I want to be nice and do nice things for him. Is that so hard to ask?? Why are guys more likely to being dicks than really nice guys. I guess yall are gona say because there are aint shit women are too and yes there are but when you find a girl who is really interested in you for all the right reasons,, why must you dog her out??
For 2011 I told yall Im not into being single anymore,, I want to not be with just anyone but I do want to be with someone special Im learning more about myself so I can be the great girl a guy guy would want but in the mean time the devil is a lie and a hater and keeps throwing sorry muhfuckas my way. The good part of this is that Im finding out early they arent right for me before I get too deep,, but it still is emotionally draining going on this hunt to nowhere. If you guys have any suggestions,, let me know especially you ladies who arent single in great relationships,, let me know how u bagged that lucky dude!!
I feel ashamed because Im not in the blogging spirit I dont come to yall as frequently as I should smh... Shit sorry!! My Bad!! First let me say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope yall had a blessed holiday season and u got everything u wanted and if u didnt better luck this year... hopefully. 2010 was a rough year for me I had alot of highs and lows and this time I have wishful thinking for the new year.
1. Get a better job: I love my job right now its fun I work with kids never a dull moment because they are so hilarious and they keep me on my toes,, but I never envisioned myself working with children I want to find a better paying job with more hours than what Im doing right now I have fulltime pay with part time hours,, something aint right. lol
2. Lose Weight: Yes I know thats what everyone wants and I feel there is nothing wrong with having this as an option. A lot goes on in a year and sometimes you get off track in your diet,, I'm definitely one of those people I need to reevaluate some things and crack down on my body and get it right by my birthday (Sept. 12th) because Im going on a cruise to 5 different islands and I wanna wear a really cute bathing suite and feel good while I prance around on the beach like Beyonce in the "Broken Hearted Girl" video. Wish me luck with that!
3. Get a man: Im over being single yes Ive reached my breaking point!! I'm alone as alone can get. I have no boo what so ever!! I'm tired of this. Recently I saw my first love int he most awkward time. I was looking cute but I was with another guy who happened to be related to him *yup you read right* I have written about me getting over my first love but I haven't really and seeing him brought back so many memories and I craved them. Did I mention he looked good,, and I mean reallllllly good. He is doing better for himself now and I'm a lil bitter because I was with him at one of his lowest moments now he is all super fly and isn't single I feel some type of way... I digress... but I want someone of my own I think its time.
4. Find my niche in life: Its about time I really step my game up. Ive been out of school for over a year now and Im not doing what I want to do. Yes we are in a recession but I still am unsure of what my career is supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing and that is bothering me. I need to be proud of where I'm trying to go and where Im at and I don't feel wither right now.
5. Get new Friends: Soooo I realized I don't really have a best friend anymore. I have close friends but I don't trust nobody anymore. People are mickey and I learned a lot about friendship in 2010 more than any year of my life. Crazy enough I always had a feeling about certain people but they have been showing their ass lately and I realized I need to be more selfish. I care waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy tooo much about people and what people think and it has gotten me in trouble emotionally. this year I want to just focus on me and get a stronger "Fuck you and what your going through" gene inside of me.
6. Travel: I need to go to more places than Vegas 10 times out the damn year. Im always in Vegas. (Well I didn't go for New Years and I regret that,, but I was too broke because of all the other times I went in the year). I want to go to Mardi Gras, Miami, Atlanta etc. all the popping places FuntimesUSA has to offer me. I'm really excited for this cruise. I don't care if I go in major debt I'm going on this cruise,, it leaves outta Miami so that's one city down.