Merry Christmas

Jesus is the Reason For The Season!!

Merry Christmas to All & to All a Goodnight!!

Happy Sephora Holidays

First Off,, want to apologize for being M.I.A still have to sporadically find a cpu to work on,, would anyone would like to buy me a new MacBook for Christmas??

Well,, Christmas is approximately 4 days away and Im not feeling festive at all because I am moneyless and can't buy me or any friends and family gifts like I would have in previous years. However if you are feeling the giving spirit for yourself or others here are some great gifts for you last minute shoppers from my favorite store Sephora...A New Years gift is still as special as a Christmas Gift!!

 

ghd Rare ($245)  

A set featuring a ghd IV styler, a thermal protector (for normal-to-fine hair), and a miracle mist—all stored in a limited-edition carry case and leopard print styler pouch.

Best of Bliss ($45)

Five piece set of Bliss' most popular skin care items

Bare Minerals Extreme Glitters ($32) 

A kit of three mega shimmer eye shadows including prime time eyelid primer and extreme glitter brush.

 

 

Stella by Stella McCartney Gift Set ($70)

One of my favorite scents that has a mixture of roses and amber that completes with a soft and fresh fragrance that embodies femininity

Sephora Glamorous 360 Deluxe Palette ($36)

This set worth $130 has a complete cllection for lips,eyes and face.

 

Too Faced Glamorour Revolution ($39.50)

With extreme colors and flawless application Too Faced gives fun, glamorous colors for the beauty queen in you!

 

 Kat Von D Lightning Sheer Lip Gloss Set ($25)

Four premier limited-edition shades of sheer, sparkling lip glosses from tatoo artist Kat Von D. 

 

Dylan's Candy Bar Re-Treat- Ice Cream Dream Gift Set- Chocolate Cupcake ($35)

From Ralph Lauren's daughter Dylan, this skin softening body butter is inspired by her candy shop in Manhattan. 

 

 
Clanique Great Skin Every Day Collection ($25)

Clanique's most popular skin care items, my favorite is the moisture surge extended thirst relief your face gets this extreme refreshing feeling.

These Boots Were Made For Stuntin`

Theses are some boots I thought were hott of this season for the fly young fashionista of the real world!!

Te Casan by Gianluca Soldi Goya Ankle Boot

Aldo Grotton Women Round Toe Pump Boot

Aldo Hutgen

Burberry Solid Rain Boots

Velvet Angels Snafu Double Lace-Up Suede Bootie

Rock & Republic Sabra Platform Ankle Boot

Aldo Desano

Bah Humbug

Im sick >=O
How suckie is that i never get sick but sumhow from sumwhere i did outta no where!
The worst is that becuz i dont get sick often
When i do its allllll bad,, it be taking me forever to get over. I have a life i cant be sick [well scratch that having a life cuz im broke as hell so my life is limited]
But i hate being sick i really do...
But in better news.....
I got a new car [well new to me]
Its a 2000 Mercedes i havent seen it yet my dad picked it out im scared i wont like it but hey im grateful as long as im rolling i dont care i got into a terrible accident the week before my birthday [Sept. 12th....and yea i kno i didnt get to blog about my own birthday,,my dumb ass...but thanks to those that shouted me out on Twitter]
Anywho the accident killed my LeBron James [name of my car it was a Cavalier] and i miss him that was my ride or die never broke down on me or gave me problems and that day i washed him up and got slammed into by sum Mexican man w/ no insurance or valid drivers license....that crushed alll my world
I put alot of love into my car and it was so sad to see it go,, but God always brings better things into ur life so i know i will have a good time in my `Cedes,, hopefully it dont give me problems cuz Lord knows i aint got money to fix it...My Gma dont want me to have it just for that reason but maybe its for the best idk....
I really wish i cud blog the way i wana im posting this from my phone and i hate that cuz i cant edit it the way i wana i really wish my Laptop wasnt broken,, its running soooo slow and ignant and idk why,,
i need a new one preferably a MAC im done w/ PC's
But any way loves ttyl... & pray i get well

Dont forget to follow me on Twitter---> @KaMbAmPOw
[Also,, if ur new to my blog and thinking,, ``should I follow her`` .....yes u may lolz]  

My Bangs Bitch!!

So i cut my own bangs for the very first time in my life lolz,, never have i ever had bangs,, so i took a major risk.IDK how i wana feel about them though,, i dont love them yet but everyone says they are cute. Im always changing my hair so it takes me a while to get used to a new hair style,,especially one i never had before. Please give me your feedback,, does it look cute or should i never touch scissors again lolz??

Public Service Annoucement

I will be at the Jay-Z Concert on March 26, 2010 7:30pm at the Staples Center

....That is all

The Hott Chick: Lady Gaga Edition

"I want your Ugly//

                    I want your disease"

So everyone knows how raw Lady Gaga is by now,, I never did a post on her but now i think its due for this Bad Romance video. I love it!! i love her creativity,, all her videos and songs do it for me. Play Just Dance or Poker Face at any moment and watch me get it in. Her songs are just so much fun,, i call it drunk white girl music lolz. And Im Loving the part in this song where she be ``Ra/ Ra/ Uh Uh Uh/Romaaa/Roma Mah Mah /Ga Ga/ Ooo La La/ Want Your Bad Romance`` thats my shit!! And did you peep her back tat and those killer shoes?? Just Bomb!!

......

Ima blog in a minute....


Till then here is a pik of me and the babes,,
i think its cute

SMH Moment: Old Ass Niggas Edition

Okaaaayyy some people need to know when to let it go. How old are yall? Like seriously you can't knock shit off...everyone in this video looks like they on drugs. Ummm Davonte,, where are your teeth?? All of H-town went from fine to fat and how come all yall songs deal with knocking some kinda footwear? Your grown as hell talk about some shit a 40 year old can relate to,, your sex is prolly 5 mins your too old for stamina endorsed sex. LMAO at this whole video and song combo.




Being an intern at a radio station for the "grown & sexy",, i guess,, i hear this damn song over and over and would love to stab the whole group next time I hear this "wanabe deep" ass song. I die laughing every time I hear this mess. Now I have no kids so maybe I can't relate but um you are leaving out some shit All For One,, this bitch aint that crazy what did you do to make her not want you to be around your child. But anywho, WTH is up with these broke down dance steps looking like praise dance. LMAO at Malcom Jamal Warner. Why are they singing to this unintuitive audience like they are lecturing,, Im confused. Old ass groups kill me, especially ones that try to make a comeback when they were so so artist in the first place.

Pass The Torch

My Blog Got Awarded!! Woop Woop lolz

»ok so the rules

1. Post award on your blog

2. Link or tell a bit about the person who gave you the award…

3. Each one of you who receive this award must list down 5 facts/hobbies about yourself

4. Pass this award to 5 or more bloggers

[1] I was awarded by by Ms. Angelicaa Phyliciaa

||--- http://jamdontshakelikethis.blogspot.com/ ---||

*This girl is so much like me its scary,, i dig her blog becuz her life experience are a reflection of mine. We feel the same on love and relationships and I give her advice based on my experiences,,not claiming them right or wrong just what I know. Check her blog its updated daily and if ur a sucker of love like me you will love it.

- my five randoms .

1. Im afraid of squirrels

2. i read between the lines of everything [ppl say i think to much]

3. me & my bestfrind's lil brothers were born on the same day the same year

4. i randomly break out into song about everything around me[especially when im drunk]

5. im self conscious about my real hair when its not done [i dont even wana go out lolz]

- im passing this onnn toooo . . .

1. Ms. Minnie [ http://urbangoddess201.blogspot.com/ ]

2. Sam [ http://streetwearcouture.blogspot.com/ ]

4. Domo's World [ http://steezydee.blogspot.com/ ]

5 Your Royal Flyness [ http://avalleyofhearts.blogspot.com/ ]

I have many more too that i like so sorry if i didn't post you on this but ill make sure to shout yall out later!!!

Farfetched Prefered

So yesterday I seen the critically acclaimed Good Hair by Chris Rock,, I learned some things as well as laughed at things I knew. It was interested and funny,, but also made you think. One thing that stook out to me, besides the fact that Black people don't own the Black hair business themselves ___*blank stare*___, was the desire Black men have to really run their fingers in a womans hair as much as he wants to lick on and rub on some b ig titties and ass. I always felt hair was more important to a man than he led on, but what I couldn't wrap my mind around was the fact some Black men date women outside their race just to satisfy this need.Really?? That's why you wanna date a white woman over a black woman cause here hair hangs down her back and you can run your hands through it and pull it like a leash [side eye]?? as I was walking out the theater I noticed a Black man and a white woman with long hair coming in and jokingly told my friend "Are you with her for her hair??" Cause I know its not for those lil titties and flat ass.

Im not against interracial dating,, in that case I wouldn't be here. By all means be with who you want to be with,,but Im not for people getting with people for stereotypical reasons, even for people within their own race. For example, "I only date white women cause black women too loud or they dont wear their real hair." or "I only date Black women who are ugly cause they are low maintanace." Yes, I heard that bullshit. Yea I feel you should have preferences there is nothing wrong with that,, but those preferences should be morally and value based and not superficial, such as not dating a woman or man who is crazy or has a million baby mamas and daddies, not cause they hair don't reach pass they ass cheeks,, which has to be real and lays gently past the Buffy the Body shaped ass and super small waist,, and can suck and fuck like a porn star but a be a virgin,, and smart as Oprah. And its not just men women make crazy preferences as well,,a hem, he has to be balling and rolling on 22"s or higher and can pay all my bill, sex me and eat it good,, and be a father to the kids that aint his etc. you get the picture.

I just couldn't believe that the men in the movie said thats the reason they date white women because they can play in their hair. To me thats a dumb reason if thats the only reason. Furthermore, You shouldn't be with anyone based on a superficial reason,, a foundation that can be lost at any given moment. That lil comment made in the movie opened my eyes to something interesting and bigger because thats when dating interracially goes wrong. I know this doesn't apply to everyone,, but if it does loneliness may be your final destination. Black male readers let me know whats up is this the case or was the movie a lil far fetched with that analogy.

I Think Ima Wear Black For A Whole Year Straight

Well untill I get tired of it.....So I dyed my hair Black!! Yea I know I just dyed it fully blonde not too long ago,, but ima darky again. I havent had dark hair ina really long time so it took some getting used to... But dont I look cute!? Yea I know...lolz

Poetry From A Non-Poet

LMAO,, I was going through old emails from my old sidekick and found this "poem" i wrote about 3 or 4 years ago after one of my heartbreaks w/ my first love...then i was so serious about this poem now i laugh at the amateurism,,its so roses are red violets are blue... its still cute i think enjoy lolz

[exatly how it was written,, notice the ck's my daddy was a blood,,im off that now]

[Ur not the you you used 2 be.... 

maybe this was the you who you always meant 2 be... 

the one who in the end was destined to hurt me... 

but instead tried 2 blind me with hopes and dreams... 

or was it my fault for actually believin that u 

was who I thought was meant 4 me... 

I shud hav known this day wud ckum from the beginnin...

u were #1 but now u downgraded urself 2 a postision that doesn't even exist... 

congratulations for being another disapointment on my list... 

don't think for 1 seconcd u defeated me... 

don't forget that I'm still the fuckin qu33n...

So u ckan go ahead on to the next but don't get 2 ahead of urself...

ur heart is forever cursed to think bout ur ex...

which is me, ckuz u hate to admit I was ur best...

and now I want to say thanks for showin that u ckant be tru... 

so I ckan let go ckuz ur  space has been reserved

for sumone realer than u] 

|||||||BONUS||||||

Around the same time my best friend Ko Ko aka Kodak aka @LadyEyeCandy on Twitter wrote this lil poem its more funny than anything but at that time i was feelin it,, see these poems were AIM away message fillers for me  when away messages spoke your life and feelings as strongly as a blog lolz

Most niggas dont mean shit to me,
But they steady, heavy, tryin to get wit me...
The more I give, the more they take,
Cant be real, they stay FAKE!
They wonder why, i say goodbye,
I do not cry, they all can fry,
In hell, for all the fuck i care....
Trust, i'll never see them there...
I'm too damn cool, for lil boy drama,
They still hold on to their mamas,
Titties and ass is all they think about,
So i curse these niggas out,
Then they all forget about...
The fact that they, made me act this way...
I'm not a bitch, but i'll be one today....
I'm too grown,nigga  so i dont pla
You're WACK son! like Brooklyn would say,
The BEST thing that could happen to u...
Is ME, but dont go feelin blue,
Cuz i chose not to fuck with you,
My LADY SWAGGA IS SO OUTRAGIOUS!
My rhymes SICK, my shits contagious,
I'm FREE, your minds still in cages!
Beautiful...
Confident...

Honest..
Heaven Sent...
I'm what you WISH your girl could be...
Think twice next time you FUCK WIT ME!!

Follow me on Twitter @KAmbAmPOw 

The Chosen One

Today one of my favorite basketball players and future baby daddy/hubby,,Lebron James,, is coming out with a star studded documentary film featured in a movie thearter near you. The film,,More Than a Game,, is about his life and the way he led his Akron,Ohio high school to the national championship & making the best high school team in history. It also tells the tale of his NBA accomplishments as being one of the select few to reach the pros from high school.
I love Lebron for his great personality,, his ways of giving back to the youth,, his powerful leadership ability on the court,, & off course his sexy swag. If only i could for one night [call me a groupie if you want lolz]. I am so much of a fan my beloved car was a Chevy Cavalier[R.I.P] appropriately named after King James himself.

Scared to Take My Heart Off Hold

Isn't it crazy how right when you get excited about the person you are with and you start telling people about them and you claim the relationship,, is right when it starts to turn dramatic. Its like the affirmation to the universe feels your happiness and wants to suck it all away. I understand now why Jay-Z & Beyonce are so hush hush to where you feel ``damn,,don't they love each other why don they shout it out`` but now I see why that would be the dumbest thing in the world to do. Its like once you find that one person that makes you feel good and everyone knows it,,its like they hold a stop watch waiting for your love to end. Im so used to being happy about my new boo,, i tell everyone and then it turns out wrong and then I look like the damn fool when ppl ask ``Hey, What happend to ol' boy??`` Ive experienced this before so much that now im paranoid to really tell people about my partner,, ive been apprehensive about even writing this blog post. Yes, I know it seems Im excited about being single and it has been a life changing experience in which it still is,, but I was not going to let it blind me on the way. I think I have found the one I want to be with, he has everything that I want emotionally,physically,, he treats me the way I want to be treated and cares so much about me...but we can't be together,, at least not the way I want to. For one he isn't close to me and two our connection seems too good to be true. Can I handle a long distance relationship,,like seriously?? Can I trust my emotions to not flip out about him being able to handle it?? Im not going to go into the severity of our situation,,just know on his end he is fine,,he shows no signs for now about hurting me. But like I have explained in previous posts i still haven't healed from my previous relationships to just breath easy and live. Ive known him for almost a year and he has been there for me with my last break up with my ex Donta. I appreciate him as my friend and now my lover. But,, Im too scared to really accept that. I feel once I claim this man,, once I accept him fully the way I want to the way my heart feels comfortable,, its gona turn down hill from there. It took me forever to even tell my friends and family about him,, just because Im afraid of the outcome of their opinions. They have seen me at my lowest hurt and Im not ready for the embarrassment. However, the pureness I feel with him is what gives me the desire to speak on him,, because he desrves that much. Im so torn with what I should do compared to what I want to do. Im also torn with really wanting to give my heart to a new person in allowing myself to be hurt. Putting effort in this situation,,im embracing everything I thought I would never experience,, both good and bad. On the good I finally feel a man really cares about me and wants to love me, when he speaks it doesnt feel like a lie. He doesn't claim to be perfect and I respect that. He makes me feel happy and alive and I enjoy him. On the flip side, he is far so, spending time with him is slim. Plus, me falling in love with him and him acutally falling in love with me,,for real. That may seem good,, but Im afraid ima mess it up somehow,, like self-sabotage my own destiny. I guess Ill take his advice and just take it one day at a time. Worrying is going to be the death of me,, im unsure of what Im capable of but he is a risk Im willing to take....hopefully it wont bite me in the ass later.

Ive Been Gone A While...

A lil too long if u ask me, Im just computer deprived thats all. So it doesnt allow me to post the way I want to like I used to. But for the fact that I can't give quantity, I will at least give yall quality, i will prolly be giving a madd post all at once within the next few days, so bear with me followers. Its hard to give the people wat they need without the proper resources. Shout Out to my new followers, Heyyyyyy *parkers voice* Thanks for jumping on board, Im glad u found a reason to read my blog, hopefully ill give u even more so that u can stay. Hope all is well with all of you...

bee bee el [bbl]!!


P.S. Guys please pray that I get a job Ive been unemployed a lil too long for my liking,,I need that mula bayyybayyy

Single Is The New Relationship!!

I am single and remarkably its a great feeling!! I never thought I would be so secure in being alone. A few post ago I elaborated on why I was single and how Im trying to cope with it. But now it feels great and I should have had this feeling a long time ago. I should have not been so worried about being with someone or trying to find the love of my life for the past 6 years!! Im only 21 and not 41 my love life isnt over it may just be beginning. Ive been through alot though to make me start feeling a little bitter, but in some case I do still have hope. But, the single feeling has turned from being bitter to being relieved, Im feel free like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and im able to just live. Yes there are still people trying to obtain my attention as always, i learned that men will and can always be obtainable, they aint going anywhere. So when I want them I can have them but right now I rather be alone. It feels so great to just wake up and not have to plan my day according in trying to accomodate some other persons plans with mine, or having to reply to a text, aim, or gtalk message if I don't want to, i dont check back with anyone, or feel bad if I dont want to come over. Wat The Eff for!! Im not anyones girlfriend and that is what finally what sank in!! I dont have to make anyone a priority who makes me an option. Being single is great because you make your own rules.

I was one of those girls who always did whatever it took to make sure "my man" was straight when all I was doing was waiting in line to hopefully get picked!! Some I did some I didnt but what it assured that Im putting myself out there in hopes of being someones everything to men who deserved nothing. Being with someone who really cares about you is a great feeling but I realized that being with someone you lowkey lose apart of you, your freedom to live. Ball and chain analogy is true even when you are fully in love. Im honestly not ready to give this new found freedom up. I embraced the best parts of being single and Im using it to my advantage till I feel I have found the right guy I want to give it up for. People dont be afraid of being single, its probably the best time of your life, you figure out what your really want and who you really are. Im preparing myself for my ultimate partner, Im cleansing my soul by spending quality time with me and being able to understand why those other relationships didn't work, If you are never alone you can never fully appreciate being with someone. So if you are alone, live it, learn it, love it.

Hard Knock Life

Hova takes Oprah to `the Sty` where it all began. I guess Oprah is finally embracing the Hip Hop generation in which she orginally turned her back on it [unless your Mary J or Diddy] for having offensive lyrics against women and the use of the word nigga. But, since Jigga man is clearly the biggest Hip Hop star she must show him love and prolly because he gives back to Oprah's favorite spot in the world, Africa. I guess for the first time Oprah will properly get to know rappers before butchering them and who else to be a significant representative for Hip Hop but Hip Hop himself!!

Bitter!!

Is it safe to say I have lost all trust in a man?? Ive been trying to hold out and not put every guy in a catergory as being an asswhole or full of shit but thats all I have ever experienced. I love the person I am but Im starting to believe its my fault I can't find a guy on the same page as me. I haven't had all dogs, Some were really good guys as far as what Im looking for in someone, but they just weren't going down the same road Im trying to go. My mother says that its because the guys I date are young and young dudes are only after one thing, but sheesh, is it really Every nigga out there?? I think also that LA dudes are on a totally different mind frame from the rest of the world for the fact they just think they are the shit, even the ugly ones, to the point its like there are no humble guys. They all force feed me the same bullshit at the end of the day just to try and fuck me and Im over it. Ive heard it all, seen them all, had them all, all the types of a guy i think u can have, I had, all but the one for me. Im only 21, so yea the guy for me prolly wont come till later but im just tired of meeting the bullshit ass dudes out here. I dont trust any man that gets at me to be real, so I mentally flush him out before he knows it. Its gotten tot the point to where I no longer cry over the man I cry over myself and the fact I can't get out this cycle of a situation. I changed up my standards over and over again to broaden my horizans into having a better quality person, but I still think there is a flaw somewhere because Ive gotten no where. Maybe Ill go back to dating older men, but they have too much baggage that I dont even want to deal with at my young age, been there done that.

I guess all I want is consistency, thats all I want from a man is for him to be the same real nigga he was from the jump and not change his ways. Do the same thing you been doing since u met me, cause if you do something for so long Ima expect that to be done, if you stop Ima be like Wat The Eff?? What happened to the guy I met? I hate that I have never met a man that gave me the consistency I wanted in a person or equaled my affection. I used to have high hopes for everyone I dated so that I wouldn't fault him for what the last man did, but now Im seeing myself expecting to get hurt and having no hope for anything anymore, andnit eats me alive. I hate feeling that way. No matter what I do, I still get hurt. I feel I have a wonderful personality, Im beautiful, sexy, loving,affectionate, funny, down to earth, the librarian and the stripper, lolz, but I havent found a man that fully appreciates those qualities in me.

I don't want to change myself to get a man, however I want to know what Im doing wrong to where he makes me feel I need to change. My rap sheet makes me feel its all my fault because Im not relationship successful, and I want to figure out why. Why is every man who gets at me, no matter what we do together or what he does or I do for him or what he tells me, at the end of the day his actions dont match and only shows he wants to fuck me. Im tired of being centerd as sex being his only desire for me being around. Im not a whore Im a woman you should want to love, and I see right through all your lies, your just tryin to bust a nut. I put up certain emotial walls to see who willl be strong enough to want to break throught them. Im not that complicated of an individual so the fact that no one wants to love me past my pain hurts, especially knowing that I can give so much love to a man, I dont want just anyone having it. Ive made alot of male mistakes in the past, being naive, but now Ive learned so much I just want to know why the progress is still going at the same speed. Before I pray for no man unless he is good. Give me no man Lord till the right man comes, cause Im tired of the bullshit, I think the next bad situation will harden my heart to where the desire to Love doesn't even exist for me anymore. And thats my biggest fear. I dont want to be a bitter ass female, but that woman is starting to grow everytime I hear my phone go off, cause I already know its a bullshit ass dude blowing my phone up.

SMH Momment: Fierce Lil Boy Edition

Lawd this Lil boy was killing me I was dying the whole time cuzim just taken aback!! He looks all of 7 years old who taught him all this fierceness!! Lil boy is gettin his divo on, I cant even hate cuz sum of his moves I can't even do...I wonder if he made this routine himself & who is responsible for this video?? Im just mad he a lil off beat and the random person who walks by like did you know we are tapin a video!! My favorite part...0:17-0:23 & 3:00-3:10,,boy get em!!

First Love Diaries pt. Deux!

Sooo after reading Shandra E. helpful advice and talkin to my firends, I realized its time to let homeboy go!! Its been along drawn out 4 year experience but its time 2 let my First Love go! I love him still but having him in my life is unhealthy because its impossible for me to be just his friend. I gave him an ultimatum and he couldn't give me a straight up answer sooooooo I had to make up 1 for him. Im leaving! I felt he kept me around because he felt it was convenient he knew I would be there beyond any damn body, I felt he did love me but not enough in the way I needed to be loved.

Like you said Shandra, I need to be more than #1 I need to be the only one & with him I will never be the only one. He cheated on me when we were together and then cheated on his girlfriend with me! How triflin is that! I knew the business before hand, but was too blind to see it. Once a cheat always a cheat right?? He would say all that bullshit about ``That was the old me , Im not that Keair anymore Im gona be a better man for you because I wana marry you, Im my Happiest when Im with you, I hate that I hurt you, I hate the niggas you date, you need to be with me. I promise one you come home from school its me and you again officially!!...blah fuckin blah... I heard that shit for 3 years & He broke all that shit within a week of me being home.

I feel soooo stupid for loving him, I feel I wasted valuable love that could have been given to someone else on him, but to this day I havent met anyone who makes me feel as good as he made me feel. When he was good he was real good, we hardly argued all we did was have sooo much fun together, we have the same sense of humor & his sex is the business, and he gives me all that affectionate mushy shit I love in front of everybody. I could have sworn he would be the guy to go on the mountain top and scream ``I LOVE KAM`` before anyone else...but look where we are now, homeboy wont even return my phone calls!! His son loves me since day one, he says the only girl he reallly lets around his son and I hate how I have to leave that lil boy's life as well. He wanted me to be the mother of his daughter and th elist goes on of all the shit, I was ``supposed to be`` now Im nothing when in all of it I have done nothing but love him more than anyone he will ever know. I know for a FACT he will never find anyone like me or better than me, but I know for a FACT I will find someone better than him, and me and I will love that man more than my love for him times ten! Life is too short for `maybe love` I need the real deal!!! Because God is in my love lolz[insider]......

First Love Diaries....

I got a new song.....

``First Love Sex/ First Love Sex/ Its the most powerful of them all yall...``


Well to me it is, especially when you are still in love with that person. Me and my First Love haven't been together in three years but I still love him and surprisingly still want to be with him. Before yall say, `Bitch, just give that shit up` I want you to know why I feel this way. See we broke up when I was a sopmore in college and he couldn't handle me being away in school [Im in San Diego, He is in LA] He broke up with me because he couldn't handle a bitch ass 2hr distance and also because he felt that I would cheat on him with guys that lived out there, that was his theory, and that whenever I graduate we can be together again. And now that I have graduated and moved back home things arent going as planned, till now. For the past three years I have let this man lead me on to believe Im number 1 in his life, no matter who he dates or who I date, Im wifey, thats what he tells his friends and family. And to be honest I believed him, I soaked that shit up.

Whenever he called I came running no matter what it was, I was always there for him, I gave up so much of what I knew was right for this guy just because he was the first person that gave me the 'Love Feelin'. I would have done anything for him, if he said die for me i swear I woulda thinkin it into existance. I was there for him in times when he had no one and he paints verbally and sometimes really shows that Im his number one through it all he still does bitch nigga shit I dont like. But when he says `Im workin towards marrying you, Im changing for you` and when Im with him all the love i ever had comes rushing back, I get weak. He strings me along because he doesn't want me to leave, but there are certain things he does that makes me feel if you love someone you wouldn't do them like that, you wouldn't break their heart.

Recently, he did something that broke the camels back for me, I called him and a girl answered his phone and the bitch hung up on my ass, called him back cuz I was like Wat The Eff?? and he answered surprised it was me and told me he was with his girlfriend!! Mind you, the last time I talked to him he said he aint had no girlfriend!! OH HELL NO!! And then yesturday my bestfriend sees them at the movies together after he talked me down when this happend to tell me, he just said that because she was sitting right there and he chooses me over any bitch. I was fuming pissed, I felt beyond played and he has made me feel this way before and when I say Im leaving thats when he wana patch shit up. I know its my fault for letting him but when you see my rap sheet of all I have done for this man, I feel I can't let my hard work go to waste for the next bitch to enjoy. I helped shaped him into the man he is today when there were times he felt on killing himself he was so depressed with the way life was going.

I have the sofest spot for him because he was the first one to teach me what it was like to love hard. But it hurts me that he will have to be the one to teach me how to let go, especially when I don't want to. Ive been thinking about him and this trick and every other trick he been with since me and I feel like he is full of shit and I deserve better. But I don't click with anyone else like I do him, and no one fucks me as good or its eat as correct or I have fun with the most as this man. Ugghhh, this is so irritating. How do you let go of the one you loved the most and the one that loved me the most, or so I thought....

ILL BE BACK!!....[Arnold Voice]

Today is Friday & Im too lazy to do Funny Fridays eh...so shoot me! Even tho I do love to post Funny Shit...But I will say this you will get a ``REAL`` post from me this weekend!! I promise you that...I jus havent been makin time my life is soo conjumbled [is that a word!!?] but there has been some things that have been irritating me so Im going to come back with some of your fav's like SMH Moments, Baby Daddy Status, The Hott Chick, & of course Love bullshit [ill get more into why Im so Love[k] right now] So hang tight...my bestie said if you don't start writin ppl will stop readin & i deffinitely dnt want that...I jus been havin major bloggers block that I need to get over, so curse me out I don't care >=op!! [wait yes I do!! Im sorry yall lolz]

*Shout Outz to JellieBeanzzz!! She always shows me Love on her blog!

Check it out, B a si Ca LL y*

Oh Lookie Ppl I got my hair did [Finally, & I dyed my hair myself] I should have shown u a B4 lolz Ive been wearin it curly [cuz it be gorilla penis hot outside] & it gets unmanagable at times...dont I look cute!

Please Don't Leave Me!!

Sorry followers I greatly apologize I have not been updating like I should
and I hope yall don't hold it against me
it's just that I dont have internet connection in my home
now that I have moved back in with my grandmother
&& I dont like updating from my phone cuz it doesn't want to cooperate
So I will have to either go bring my laptop to the library or go to my friends house 2 update
But, please hang in there with me. I noticed I lost 1 of you & that breaks my heart
Because my I try not only to write things for myself but for you guys too...
Im also kinda in a brainfreeze because there isnt really anything worth posting
I do have something about my love life that I want to post, but it may be too personal
I may do it anyways, just to give yall somethin juicy to read
but I have to gather my thoughts first.
But know that I am greatful for all of you and I love the feed back you guys give me
Tellin me that you love the blog, I really appreciate keep reading and everyone that follows me
Im tryin to make sure I follow all of yall ok!! Love you much

Follow me on Twitter! Im always Tweetin & im kinda funny check out a sample ------->
Twitter.com/qu33nkam

Big Girl It Your World!

Tonight on Oxygen the premiere of the new show "Dance Your Ass Off" which combines the shows Biggest Loser & So you think You Can Dance/Dancing With The Stars together. Im not sure if Im totally going to be committed to watching this show, but I do like how Oxygen tries to make shows to make big women feel good about themselves by leting them do what the skinny women do. However, Im not a fan of them putting these women in these women in these little outfits. Just cuz you are trying to get your dance sexy on does not mean wear shit u cant fit and showing your stomach like its flat. Thats not cute boo boo. Im not trying see ur fat fallin all over the place. For that this show looks a hot ass mess. But seems like it could be entertaining cuz big ppl know how to dance lolz.

Paying Homage!!

R.I.P Michael Jackson

The Best to Ever Get On A Stage & Pick Up A Mic!!

Go Hard Or Go Home!!

Im apart of the movement... are you??

If your not wit us your against us!!

Middle Finger Club Biiiiitch!!

Death Do Us Part!

I really think Im cursed like noooo doubt! And I mean relationshiply [is that a word?] cursed!! It seems that everytime I get close to a guy someone close to him dies!!! Is it because of me, am I a grim reaper?? Do I kill people?? Recently I explored this and found out in my life time that I began fond, building relationships with six men all resulting in a death of a close family member or friend while they were talking to me. And more crazy is its been more recent within the last 2 years. What am I doing or is it that just what life is ppl die. Or am I just bad luck?? Hmm I wonder, but what makes me angry with this situation is not only having to aide the young man in his recent time of mourning, it comes too soon in our relationship, like a serious thing happening so suddenly it slows down our process of connection. For one we are unable to take part in things like we used to or were going to because he has this big burden to deal with on his shoulders which then causes his desire to need space. Im definitely not the type to chase anyone so I give space but assure him I here for him. But when he returns its never the same. He no longer wants anything serious. Wat The Eff do I do now?? I then dont know if its my fault to blame. Should I have over rided his wishes of giving space and should have been there more, there so much I can really do. Everyone mourns differently so I don't want to step on toes and Im a direct person so I don't live for that reverse psychology/read between the lines bullshit...if you tell me somethin Im going to go off wat u tell me and what your actions say and if they agree so be it. But i digress. I don't know what is up with the death situation. It feels Ive experienced alot of death just because the people around me has. Are those really signs to tell me im not good for this person? Basically, wat im sayin is I don't understand why I can't fully experience a "normal" relationship. Something bizarre always happens too soon in the relationship, shit im not really wanting or ready to handle, death among other things is an example of just that. Beware to whoever is the next in my life, he better have no family or friends or we not gona make..j/k!!

Epiphany

In respect of recent of events such as my graduation from San Diego State University!! [CHEEAAAA] I vowed to myself to revamp my life. Of course being me is what got me this far with use of trial and error, but I have grown accustomed to the usual blazey blah that is my life and I want no more of it. If you didnt know my weakness is men. They are and have always been my downfall beccause of my abandonment issues I grwe up with because of my parents. I realize that I made it in school but could have been better if my focus wasn't so caught up in the boys. Because of me rippin and running the streets along with other things allowed me to begin to lose sight in my intial self because I was so wrapped up in pleasing a man rather than pleasing myself.

I love to write and I love magazines, those have been my passion since I was youngster. I was always known to have all the magazines and know all about music and fashion as if I got paid to study it. But, once I got serious into partying and boys which led to heart break, which triggered depression, then caused my grades to slip, which led to setbacks in my college career, which then led to my drive and determination for what I want begin to decline. I began to lose sight of my passion and dreams and thats not me at all. I hate that I owe this all to the desires of male approval, which till this day IDK if I fully received it. I have always had male attention, I think too much at once, and it overwhelmed me and I didn't use it to my advantage. I have never been without boy and unfortunatley, never been ok with being alone....until now.

A recent encounter with a young man made me soooooooooo over niggas to the point I don't give a fuck anymore bout any one or anything. I don't give a fuck if I ever meet a new man when I go out, get a new number, give my number or anyof my contact information. Im so over all my current suitors and their drama that I don't care anymore if they stay or want to leave. In some respects I wish they all would leave me alone. I don't care bout their feelings at all to the point to where now I say whatever comes to mind to any man including my own daddy, where all my issues stem from when before I would watch what I said. I no longer will do what they want me to do if I have any earge of not wanting to do it whether im just lazy or don't agree with it. I will no longer give anything to a man whether it be time, myself, money, or even a stick of gum ever again. And for the first time im ok with this.

I feel comfortable with being alone and knowing that Im ok by myself and that my happiness is more important than anyones on this planet. From this moment on I will live on instinct and my desires. Im not a fighter, Im a lover but I will fight more so for my love than anyone elses. No man will stand in between me and my dreams, hopes, happiness and success any more. I didn't want to admit it before, but all my exes, nows, and nextes have taken over my ability to be myself because I cared too much about they ass. Their drama became my drama and life is too hard dealing with my own shit, to try and fit their baggage in my closet. And im not bitter, Im not even done, but Im just beginning to start my life over and caring about me comes first. Theres no room in my life ppl who don't wana make their own seat in it, which means you have to earn your right to be here, and if you can't, there is the door waiting for you. All i can say is, "its about damn time Kam!"

Funny Fridays!

Funny Fridays today will be devoted to the chillins!! I have no kids and thank 2 God in all of Heaven I don't[at least not now]! Hearing these jokes bout kids makes me rethink bout wanting some! [My Childhood Bad Ass Story:: I was about 4 and I ask my mom sumthin bout God and she said she didnt know and and i told her she didn't know shit and I threw the Barbie car box at her head and she ran and grabbed and threw me across the room and as I was flyin I was like "Moooooommmmmmiiiieeee!!"

"Wat is tangy Daddy is it kinda like sour but it aint sour??"

"You black midget bitch get the juice, punk ass Daddy!!"

They Like Me!! They Really Like Me!

This award goes to my fabulous followers!! I have surpassed 100 ppl that thought my blog was cool and that means alot. I started this blog for fun simply didn't know if I was going to get one reader, but Im glad that I have. The stuff I put on here is randomly produced but if you like it I love It! Yall are awesome and I hope I have have even more followers. Shout outs to Ms. T who was my 100th follower and Two L's for being my most recent follower and Kiwi for being my first follower!!

These People Rock My Socks!

Baby Daddy Status: Omari Hardwick Edition

More Like Marriage Status cuz I wana wife that! lolz Do you see the beauty in this fine ass specimen of a thug right here GEEEEZZZ---UUSSS!! I recently seen Next Day Air and was suprised at how wet I got after watchin this man on screen. Damn he is fine. If yall wana know my type here it is. This is the man I wana marry, haha. Plus his acting skills are pretty good and he played his role well. He will definitely get me comin to see all his movies from now on IDC if he does jus a voice over for a cartoon, he is gettin my supposrt. Even though I never heard of his priors, Im bout to go watch them just so I can get some more eye candy. I can't wait till Next Day Air comes on DVD so I can see him in high def all the time.

For Every Action Theres A Reaction

So me and my Lil Juelz Santana [lil bro] were bored outta our minds and decided to look at gross shit on the internet. So we mad reaction videos to the new 2 Guys 1 Horse and 1 Guy 1 Screwdriver videos and boy are they funny. Before you guys ever get a chance to see those videos I am warning you they are disturbing and will fuck up ur whole mood for the rest of the day, just fyi.

BTW Please ignore my wild sweated out hair! I dont always look like that lolz

1 Guy 1 Screwdriver

2 Guys 1 Horse

Funny Fridays!

This has to be one of the funniest things because the baby looks super real and all the movements match!

Baby Daddy Status: Daniel Gibson Edition

All I can say is Dayyyuummm Boo!. I always knew he was a cutie, but when I saw him in these piks I was like "Yup, he can get it!" He looks alot different outside his work clothes. He usually look like that lil nigga runnig around on court wit LeBron, but now I have taken notice. Keyshia for the first time Im sayin I wish I were you hunnie, good fuckin look! Im kinda surprised she would date a youngin, but hey everyone needs a young boo now and again, && why not a Baller! P.S. those boots she is rockin are fierce, Get em Keysh!


[sidenote::] Um I hope this is a first date, I wana know why he bought her those cheap ass Hallmark gifts. Can a bitch get at least a dozen of roses & a live puppy dog? lolz

He Can Write For Himself & Others!

MTV Shows

Drake makes me smile! His humility is superb & I hope that doesn't change! Ill never stop loving him.

&& On the note of writing, I feel a real artist put time and effort into their craft especially if it makes them money. So you are not impressing me if you can make a song and say you didn't write it down or it took you a week to make your album. For example, Lil' Wayne needs to start pickin up pen and pads because as much as we think we love his shit, can we really say that nigga be talking bout anything? Lil' Wayne is a punch line rapper, but not one for telling stories, Im yet to hear him tell a story on a song. That is a lyricist to me, a rapper who can paint a picture with words as if your listenin to spoke word. I like Wayne for what he gives but that is about it, he isn't up their with societies greats such as Tupac, Biggie, Jay, Nas, Eminem etc. because they tell stories. They may give u a club joint here and there or throw you the basic hip hop remedy [Money, Hoes, Clothes, & Cars] but for the most part they bring you a place. I love Drake because him like alot of really great rappers these days [Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West, Wale, Charles Hamilton, Joe Budden, Kid Cudi, Common etc.] strive to bring you to that place by telling you dynamic stories. I feel a real true rapper is a storyteller and what bugs me is that real Hip Hop doesn't play on the radio and real Hip Hop isnt marketed correctly. We are all so caught up in beats and punch lines we lack substance. If being a true rapper meant having a good flow then anyone can be a great rapper, look at Bow Wow, his flow is nice but he by far isnt great. Or if being a great rapper meant being popular then Soulja Boy would hold the torch. I think what Drake was tryin to say is that just because you have a gimmick to you doesn't mean you are the best and if you don't produce the best work behind your gimmick its useless and your wasting your time. Not everyone can produce hot work without writing it down. And to this day I think the best person to have done that is Biggie, [Jay-Z is the only one who is close]. I guess what Im saying is as a fan of Hip Hop it should be more about quality than anything else, write what you know, write what makes sense not just always what makes cents.

Feel Like Kickin Myself In The Vag!!

Oh Em Gee!! Procrastination is gona kill me. Its a disorder I am suffering from and I really need to be check out. Like serious, is there a such thing as Chronic Procrastination Syndrome?? Ima have to Google that. But im so pissed off at myself that I felt the need to write about it. Almost like screamin. This is a straight vent session so bear with me.

First) I am beyond due with finding a damn job. I have offers for internships, but Im jus chillin likethey are gona walk on my door step and carry me to the office. Im so used to always getting the jobs I apply for, so I guess in my mind Im like "Your gonna get it girl, don't trip!" Uhhra no boo boo, get it 2 gether hunnie u may not get it then ur gona be lookin hella stupid when u are stuck in the house all summer with nothing to damn do. I really want a PAID internship cuz Im try to stack cheese so I can move out my Grandmother's house if my Father is living there, I gotta go. Me & him don't see Eye to Eye on about anything & he has really some nerve in his pocket to ever step to me and try to tell me what to do. Like Nigga, Im doing way better now in my 21 years of living then your whole life and dreams combined. But he is a totally a different lost cause that I don't feel like getting into.

Second) The reason I have been soo lazy to find a job is cause of my unpolished ass resume. Its cool for what it is I need to do some editing, But im waaaaaayy past due to going to Career Services to let them look at it. Plus this is my last week of school & everyone I wana see is bout to go on vacation for the summer and are booked up with appointments and such.

Third) Letters of recommendation need to be typed and I have contacted some teachers and staff who said they will write one for me but they also said, "Hey,, just shoot me an email to remind me and Ill write them for you." Uggh there is no draft in my compose box being written for any of them. Plus I have to track down a couple of my teachers from the past who said they would years ago, to see if they still even rememeber who the fuck I am.

Fourth) I have finals this week, I have already take two, felt like i did good. But, that was last week. I had all weekend and yesterday to study for my last test which will be 2maro at 1pm, when really I should be taking it Thursday at 10:30 am, but because I have to go to gradution rehearsal, I have to take it early. WHOMP! But i guees my mind is stuck think I have to take it on Thursday, mind you this may be the hardest test I take of my carreer in school and may as well dictate if i get my Diploma or not. WTF! Am I doing so I just have today and till 1pm tomorrow to study for this damn test. Oh let me also explain, Im the QUEEN of craming Ive done it all my life and it has gotten me this far I guess. Since 6th grade I have done my homework at school the day it was due and never at home where it needs to be. I have waited to write every paper of my life the night before and studied for every test the night before. So I guess I get overwhelmed when I get alot of time on my hands. And I guess I work better under pressure but I hate having to. The one thing I hate most is when I really get it crckin in my work, and feel stupid when I say " Damn, look how much/ far I would have been if I started doin this shit days before!!"

Fifth) Im forgetting Im no longer going to be a student and all the Free.99 shit I got while I was a Student at San Diego State will no longer be available to me. Its included in our fees to go to Student Health Services any time we like for any damn thing. And it is the nices facility I have ever been in in my life. I have to have my annual check up and my ass missed my first appointment because I forgot to go and they were calling me back a grip of times to reschedule and I never called back, Till this morning to have them tell me "Sorry we are booked up till May 29th and your doctor leaves in June, oh and once May 27th hits it will be Summer Session and if you are not enrolled in summer courses you have to pay $15 a visit." WTF, I just had to wait forever to do shit didn't I.

Sixth) I have been screaming about getting my tickets to go see Drake on Friday and that almost slipped out my hands because I took for ever to give my homeboy the money. Hopefully, he can still get my tickets. If not ima shoot someone.

Seventh) I overdrafted my account from paying my rent with no money in the bank [Such a smarty pants Kam!!] My landlord takes forever to cash checks so Im like Im cool cuz last month he didn't cash the checks till like this month and shit. So im like Ima just write the check and when I get the money from my other account just tranfer payments. Mind you I got the money almost immediately as I submitted the check maybe a couple days after that my landlord wants to cash the check. Like now when I have no money you wana do shit on time and right after takin forever all year. So because I didn't transfer the money into the "rent" account from my "work" account [mind you they are with 2 different banks and that is why I waited, being to lazy to go to each bank] I now have to pay the bank back in fees, for 1) overdrafting 2) them payin for the rest of the money that I missed 3) For not paying them back within a certain amount of time so they add on $8 a day after for however long it takes you to pay them back. [FUCK YOU US BANK]

Eigth) Im graduating Sunday and it Tuesday and I still havent sent out one announcement to let people know "Hey Im graduating send me money!"

Ninth) I never did post about me going to see the Lil Wayne Concert and how I almost died when Drizzy came on stage & screamed out the eardrums of the 2 lil kids sitting in front of us and how I ran all the way down to the bottom to get a better look as if he was gona stage dive into the crowd. & how Electrik Red Was fucking up & everyone was like "Who the fuck are they". How I got tipsy off the margaritias we drank. How me and my best friend were the only ones who knew every Keri Hilson song besides "Turnin Me On" and how iritated we were with her Dime Diva pants and the fact she can't dance worth shit. How T-pain fucked up the mood my being his own one man band and how low budget his dancers and stage set up was, but how cool it was that he all he had to do is sing snippets of every song he was on to make a hot ass show. How sexy Travis from Gym Class Heroes is and how I know he was burnin up being dressed like he just came from New York in the winter time. How surprisingly short Lil Wayne is. How old Shannel [back up singer & she wrote prom queen] is in the face. How Kid Kids voice doesnt match his body at all. How young young money really is. How upset I was at how nervous Drizzy was on stage & how they flooded his voice with Bobby Valentino. How bomb it was that Wayne did all the hits even mixtape shit and old Wayne [The pockets hot the Pockets Hot Hot..insider]. And how everyone that was Black or Latino sat down when Prom Queen came on and every white person was super excited...hmmmmm. And how we were getting high off the contact of people smoking aorund. Was a bomb show plus we had bomb seats and bomb parking tooo.

Tenth) Im moving out of my apartment really soon [early June] and havent packed at all not even one thing...I got time right!?


With all that Im supposed to do or should have done or could have done. I can always say I get shit done. whether its late or not GOD make a way for me to get thing I need to do done. I may kick myself in the ass for taking forever to do it but I work it out and it gets done. Because Im such a procrastinator I live off of making multiple plans because I know it will take me 2 years to ever do Plan A on time. So with that being said hopefull I will get over being so lazy and do shit on fucking time!!