I Got That Itis!!

So I said maybe about a million post ago that I would keep yall updated on my graduation journey and what Im gonna do when I graduate. Well....not much progress has been made since that post. Ill give me some credit I have talked to a few people here and there but my lazy ass has not been on it. IDK where my drive has gone, in high school I was on the effin ball people. I made sure my ass got in college and everything on time. I had super passion for wat I wanted to do, but because of the many challenges I have faced these past 4 years my dreams are starting to look cloudy. Im more scared than anything. For one reason is because everything I strived for and tried to get and make happen while I was in college failed, so I had to make a plan B and utilize it for everything. Im starting to feel the dreams I want are not wat God wants for me, either that or he is really making me work super hard to get there. Im like come on Jesus, Hook a sista up & give me a break!! I know the best of things are worth fighting for, but when I see other peoples lives jus fallin into place so easy [well maybe not easy cuz IDK wat they did to get to that point], but it just seems as though their dreams and journeys are matching their plans. I wish my life plans [wat God wants] matches wat I want and my biggest fear is that they wont.. Ima admit Im discouraged as fuck, shit it happens, everyone gets a lil flustered at times. I still have the drive enought to not give up, because I haven't even though Ive thought about it many of times. But I stopped and thought, "Kam, wat the hell are you gona do if u quit, be "normal" like the rest of the people you know?" and I would reply to myself sayin "Hells to the naw!" Wat keeps me goin is wat Ive been through, I look back and see all my struggles, all the bullshit, all the doors closed in my face, and think of all the times I opened another one. Im such a plan B type chick. If it don't work out this way I always immediately think of another way b4 I even do plan A, cuz 8 times outta 10 plan A don't ever work.[Maybe I should start makin plan B be plan A lolz]. But, it just hurts knowing that my life has been full of disappointments. but I guess that is just life. I hate going through shit. Ima stubborn person and yes I love the easy way out dammit cuz its easy, who wouldnt. Im not tryin to get the ticket to no where cuz everyone goes there. I wana go somewhere, somewhere where nobody goes, but where everyone would dream to be. And Im trying to get there on the hook up lolz.

I have senioritis right now. Actually Ive had it since I was a senior in high school and was never properly cured. Im just ready to be done with school for the fact Ive been doing this shit since I was 3 and dammit Im over this relationship! But, its all I know! All I know is school and if I had any type of money, I would stay in that shit [but, I gets no more Cal Grant or Scholarchips after 4years..womp!!]. But, I can say I have been blessed to have gone through this with out any loans. [My parents not bein there payed off in the end lolz]. But most importantly [somethin I fail to relize] is that I FUCKIN DID THE DAMN THANG!! I am a college graduate and did that shit right after high school in 4 years and alot of muthafuckas wont/cant say that shit but wud love to. I made it out with no babies or drug habits or super crazy in love relationships or any other major distraction that are thrown your way normally in a young womans life around this time try and stop her from finishing school. Even so, I have been through some challenges by fuckin far, but nothin too much that God didn't feel I couldn't handle and nothin too much to where he felt I needed. I graduate May 24th at 8am from San Diego State University with a Bachelours of Arts in Interdiciplinary Studies specializing in Communication, Journalism & Media Studies, & Sociology and I know for a fact it will not be in vain.

[Peep The Grad huh? I did my hair and make up myself cuz Im livin on a budget lolz]


NightFall914 said...

Congrats Ma. Good Look right there.