Keepin It 100!

VERY LAST:
1. Last beverage? Grande White Chococale Mocha wit Caramel Sauce on Ice from Starbucks
2. Last phone call? Ko Ko! [in progress]
3. Last song you listened to? Round Midnight by Jasmine Sullivan
4. Last movie you watched? Ratatouille [my fav watch it almost everyday!]
5. Last time you cried? Yesturday

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? Yes [Im the Queen of Recycling Boys]
7. Been cheated on? Yup!
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? No
9. Lost someone special? Yes
10. Been depressed? Yes
11. Been drunk? Yea alot of times

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Pink
14. Grey

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends? Yea
16. Fallen out of love? Ummmm....idk
17. Laughed until you cried? Yea [last week]
18. Met someone who changed you? Yes the ex Donta but not in ways I wanted =[
19. Found out who your true friends were? I already knew
20. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes ppl I thought wudn't
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list? Yup several

IN YOUR LIFE:
23. How many kids do you want to have? IDK the exact number but maybe 5
24. Do you have any pets? Can my purse be a pet or my money
25. Do you want to change your name? No but I wish people wouldn't fuck it up so much!
26. What did you do for your last birthday? RightTrack[Stripclub]/Lucky Strike [drunk bowling]/Club Ivar in Hollywood
27. What time did you wake up today? 7:20 a.m.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleepin
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Arab Money& Love of My Life
30. Last time you saw your father? Last Month
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Make better decisions
32. What are you listening to right now? Ko Ko on the phone
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Random...Yea I know a Tommy
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? My ex Donta & that we broke up yesterday!
36. Whats your real name? ummmmm i rather not lol
37. Relationship Status? Single Lady [put my hands up lolz]
38. Zodiac sign? Virgo

39. Male or female? female
40. Elementary? Warren Lane
41. Middle School? Warren Lane
42. High school? City Honors
43. Hair color? Brown
44. Long or short? Middle Long
45. Height? 5' 2.75"
46. Do you have a crush on someone? Yea I do
47. What do you like about yourself? Funny, Sweet & Loving, Wild, Pretty, Smart, [etc]
48. Piercings? My ears & tongue
49. Tattoos? Dove holding cherry hearts, Fairy sitting on a flower, "K" wit a crown on it
50. Righty or lefty? Righty

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery? When I was born [umbilical cord was crazy wrapped around my head & body]
52. First piercing? Ears [2 months]
53. First tattoo? Fairy sittin on a flower
54. First best friend? Amber [we are still friends]
55. First sport you joined? softball
56. First pet? Fish named White Mike
57. First vacation? Cruise to the Bahamas
58. First concert? Usher!! [8701 tour]
59. First crush? Anthony Anabere
60. First alcohol drink? Beer & i realized I hated it

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating? Im Not eating
62. Drinking? Starbucks drink I mentioned
63. I'm about to? IDK...
64. Listening to? Ko Ko on the phone
65. Waiting for? Kevin to call me

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? Yes!!
67. Want to get married? Awww Yea im such a girl
68. Careers in mind? Editor in Chief of a mag\ A&R

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
69. Lips or eyes? Lips
70. Hugs or kisses? Kisses
71. Shorter or taller? Taller
72. Older or Younger? Older
73. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantically Spontaneous
74. Nice stomach or nice arms? Stomach
75. Tattoos or piercings? Tatts
76. Sensitive or loud? I guess Loud [Im sensitve so we both cant be]
77. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant? Hesitant with courage

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger? Yea
80. Drank hard liquor? Yea only fuck wit it!
81. Lost glasses/contacts? Sun glasses
82. Sex on first date? Yea i have but not often
83. Broken someone's heart? Yea unfortunately
84. Had your own heart broken? Yes [all this week for example]
85. Been arrested? No but ive been close
86. Turned someone down? Yea
87. Cried when someone died? I laugh at death! haha [j/k of course I cry]
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? No Ellen Degen!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself? Yea [if i dont no one else will]
90. Miracles? Yes
91. Love at first sight? Ugghhh no! Thought I did
92. Heaven? Yea Im going are you?
93. Santa Claus? once upon a time
94. Kissing on the first date? Yes if its a good date
95. Sex on the first date? Depends on the person [sometimes the moment is just right]

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yea [its a secret tho :-x ]
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Naw just "friends" lolz
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? Yea ppl have done it so can I
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? Jesus
100. Enjoyed answering this? yea I guess,, I was bored

Fuck It!

"Today I begin a new life,,,

I am the master of my abilities...

&& today will be a great & beautiful day!!"



No more tears, No more cryin, No more pain, No more drama, No more being ashamed & embarrassed! SHIT FUCKIN HAPPENS! && I jus have to deal with that reality! Yea shit didn't work out, so wat thats life! Ive never had a problem gettin a guy so why start now, another one will come, like they always do! However, Im smarter now && this time I can actually say Im not gona fall for the same bullshit && do the same shit its not worth it && no one is worthy of my time && effort to exort so much worry into wat his ass will think! FUCK HIM! Its all about me from now on && if you don't prove ur about me in the amount of time I have alloted you from the beginnin your absolutely off the market && sent to your maker[mommie] or whereever you fuckin came from! I was sad, then I was pissed, now I jus really don't give a fuck! All of you females or males that are going through a break up && your sitting here trying to justify your actions for some other persons fuck up, Please don't! If at all he or she required you to get suspicious prolly was a valid reason to, now the way you handled it is on you, but your feelings are totally acceptable! If you got played, its ok in life everyone does; it either gives you enough confidence from here on out to not get played again or gives you pointers to do the playin yourself! Ive been in crazy situations, Lord knows, these past several years with the male species, however, I have come to the conclusion that enough is enough & I need to grow up, meaning grow out of all the past bullshit, all the things they did to make a tear roll down my face, or make me question my roll & worth in their lives! Its so not desrving of my time anymore! Ima start focusing more on myself && making me happy && get reconnected with the shit about myself that I loved && left behind!
Dear Next Guy,
There are things about me that, Im sorry, will not change! I am emotional! Thats just wat it is && how its gona be! Ive been this way all my life && its just something I have taken into account that is just apart of my personality! So if I lash out or jump to conclusions know that you gave me a reason too yes I will work on how I handle and exert this emotional state. But, I will not feel sorry for giving it to you! I was born a girl so at times I will act like one. I may put up walls but not to keep you out its to see how strong you are to break them down! I need a guy who will get over my flaws & all! You know why, cuz I will do the same for you!

F my L !!

So Im really not feeling my life right now it kinda sucks! The only thing that is gettin me throught the day is knowing I been through worst but I hate feelin terrible! I hate it wit all the passion in my heart! Im so over things right now! Im so tired of being tired and Im tired of gettin hurt! I get over things usually fast but it always leaves a stain on my heart. I remenice too much and I think about good things which it makes it hard to recognize and accept the bad things. Why do I put up wit guys shit so much when all I want to do is make us happy together but I can't make anyone see my vision as clearly as I do. I do miss my boyfriend but I don't deserve the bullshit at all! I want someone who wants to keep it real and 100 wit me wit out pretending. He got busted and cudn't handle his shit properly and went out like a bitch instead of being a man about it! Im just mad that I fell for it when my intuition told me from the start he prolly aint shit like the rest! But. silly me givin ppl benefits of the doubt! UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!! I jus wana scream and woop his ass! The one thing I do know for sure is God always protects me he never lets me get toooo uncontrolably deep in a situation before I can get out wit only a few scratches! Im okay Im disappointed but Ima live! I realize that this is Life and the games u play when ur tryin to Love ppl! Not everyone will be receptive of wat I have to give! Oh well for him, yea he has great qualities about him and I don't hate him Im jus mad as hell. But, you ALWAYS reap wat you sow so he will be one to receive his punishment! Im not a bitch, but Im starting to feel maybe I should be maybe my life would be easier. In this life there are people who get fucked and then there are people who do the fucking, Im sumwhere in between since Ive done both but its so watever at this point! Im over alot of things right now and im semi happy and semi sad! For the reason is nothin ever goes my fuckin way! Im not over men but Im cool on them for a while! So good luck to the next guy I meet shit may not be easy for him! I might have to be that bitch I never wanted to be!

And So It Came To Pass......

&& Im sad & mad...

why?

Cuz Im single...

Unfortunately my Hunnie Bunnie && I are no more but Im so not excited or happy or wanting this situation. It feels hella premature of a break up && it was sooo not my choice. I wanted to work things out && start a new but he I guess was so not feeling my emotional smoothies I was force feedin him all the time. Its so much details goin on in this situation that I don't even know if I should type it. Well he wants me to, in his words "Get at me when u work shit out wit urself && u are over ur issues && stop jumping to conclusions ive been nothin but real && 100 wit u." And in all this maybe true, I can say that I have trust issues but they stem from devastating past relationships && situations && I thought I was over certain things but they make it hard for me when I find myself in the same situations, its like you heard that line before or he is doing shit someone else has done or baby please promise me you wont go about things this way. I can see why he is upset && why he is like we don't need to be together. But, I wanted him to help me get through this to make our situation strong by knowing you will be there for me when I get emotional or at least talk shit out wit me. Like relationships are hard work and there will be things about the person that thye are goin to bring into the relationship that is gona be hard to deal with. I dealt with things from his end why can't he do the same for me. I have to admit I do feel he is cheating on me now that I saw his phone records & his myfaves are all girls including myself plus 2 of those numbers are his ex-girlfriend who he claims only calls him && who he hates to even hear her name! [ugh...why is she gettin free anytime minutes??] plus he added a new girl in his faves recently&& this is the topper this mystery girl named "Ashlee" has over 1765 minutes of talk time for just last month. [I only have 1500 minutes on my plan] WAT THE EFF! Plus the main thing Im pissed off with is he has been ignoring me for the past 3 days becuz if I say normal shit to him no reply but if I go off && say sum insecure shit, he is quick wit a rebuttle. Wats up wit that?? && wat really flew me for the loop is his screen name on GoogleTalk so happened to disappear!! After all we are going through right now that is not a smart move, I almost lost him 2 days ago like he was over me said he would give me another chance but was not up on talkin to me && for it to look like he deleted me made me hott && sad all at once. I confronted him about it && he made up some excuse saying he wasn't done but sending him the text I did made him wana quit our relationship. Im not for pushing him away but all his actions have been a lil suspect lately && idk why! I don't like how he ended us with out really giving it a try or discussing our issues. Im hella pissed off && I do want him back, well at least I feel I need some explanations.Im not comfortable giving him up to "Ashlee" I want my man back! I know some of you are saying you have all the proof that he is cheating and some of you are saying well you are not 100% sure either, && im not. But IDK wat more I can do or wat more I can say than wat I already have said. I need all the advice I can get cuz I do love him && care bout him. I want him back but I dont wana be making mistakes with my heart either! As for now Ima leave him alone but getting him out my mind has been the hardest thing I have to do at the moment && knowing that Im the reason he pulled away hurts even more!! This is killing me inside && all I wana do is cry my eyeballs out! Thinkin about how fairytale we were 3days ago makes me cringe knowing that it took a phone bill turn our relationship sour! In this case it shows me our foundation must haven't been that damn strong. But I wana put it back together again I just dont know how & don't know when........

I dont feel sweet wit out my Hunnie!!!

Happy [New Age] Day!

Happy Birthday to my big sister Khadija!!
She is an old lady now, about 82 years old!! Looks good for her age right? lolz... We used to have our differences growin up; I hated this beezy & she was so mean to me!But, I never stopped lovin her! She is smart & successful & great mom! Im extremely proud of her! Love you sissy & I really wish I was there wit you to celebrate!




[Oh yea, & Happy Saint Patties Day! Go get ur JagerBombs!!]

I Hate This...

Damn feeling

"I watchin my phone waiting for it to ring...
Sittin on the couch wit the TV off...
all night all alone...
every night same ol' thing..."

"give me some excuse like you always do.."

I know that couple post ago I was talkin so great bout my Hunnie Bunnie but somethin happened && I saw sumthin I wish I didn't see! && now Im havin an Epiphany && Im upset && disappointed cuz my heart is sayin [effin] "I told you so" Ugh I hope Im over exagerattin & everything will come to pass cuz I want him in my life. I thought he was the answer to my prayers && that he was my break from heart ache now Im just super unsure! It wud be awesome if he cud atleast call my ass back so we can talk bout it. I mean voice convo && not wit thumbs! He usually blows my phone up with beautiful things & we talk early morning && before I go 2 sleep now4 the past two days he has been acting wierd mostly yesturday & 2day. He feels I dont trust him, i do but wat I saw makes me question things && I hate feelin like I have been played. This is fuckin wit me alot && I cant function right now! I don't even wana talk my friends cuz I don't want them 2 judge me && I dont feel like being chastized like a lil kid. [yea they think they are my parents] I jus need support. See, feelings like this is wat ive been talkin bout of why I [effin] cheat!! But he was the one I wanted to end that for! [Maybe it aint over... ima see] But the count down starts 2day, cuz im no longer gona take any of another mans shinanegans!



[b.t.w do u see my future hubby in the vid,I cudn't imagin ever leavin his ass, Chrissy you need to get on that boo! lolz]

Crack Is Wack!

More scarier than your Leatherface, Michael Myres or Jason put together!

SMH Momment: High & Holy Edition

I want to know why no one stopped him from singing

HORRORscope

OH EM GEEZ!! My horoscope for the past two days have been scarily true about my life right now!

Today

You are seeing more romance in your life, which is wonderful! But if you are single, you need to make sure you have a clear idea of what you want out of a new relationship. Otherwise, you could get swept up in the moment and do something that you might regret later on. So take stock of yourself. Analyze the unseen elements of your personality, the parts that you never show the world. Be totally honest with yourself and you'll be prepared when that cutie starts flirting.

Yesterday

If you feel like you're not being treated right in a relationship, give some serious thought to how you want to handle this situation before reading them the riot act. Consider the true value that this relationship has in your life -- is their behavior truly a deal breaker? Or should you just let it slide? Consider the dramas going on in their life -- they may need you to cut them some slack. 'Slack,' after all, is a unique gift that friends need to give to each other, sometimes.

Scared of Lonely!

I have to admit...Im absolutely petrified of being alone I have never been without a guy there has always been a guy in my life && usually more than one. Even when Im in a relationship there is usually someone lurking the background in case Mr. Right Now fucks up for at least emotional comfort if not sexual! && now im finding that its not even like that no more. Im finding myself giving myself to person && I get FUCKING SCARED! I get scared that if he leaves if ever hoping he doesn'tI wont have anyone to fall back on like I usually do. Its Crazy in its own right but thats my life. A so called player is wat Ive been called, but a LOVER is all I am. I have alot of love to give and I want to give it to one person, but I get scared of the reality of that happeing. I guess its because Im starting to believe the 'becareful wat you wish for' speech ive been told for years. Im falling for one person, and thats wat I want, but Im so used to having feelings of rmore than one person. I guess I want my cake with ice cream too, just so that I can feel fulfilled because watever one guy lacks the other can take up the slack. But, I don't wana be stuck in this mind frame forever. I understand I reap wat I sow and thats exactly how my relationship life has been. I want them to give me the world and if they don't I slightly roam away but stay in hopes of change and progression and when it happens its too late. Ive always been a fan of LOVE, Ive been in LOVE, but never experienced TRUE LOVE. Weird huh!? Meaning a Love that is patient and kind and full of COMMITMENT on BOTH ends. I never felt the guys I was with were fully with me so I could never be fully with them. I gave and gave all my heart could give until I was just like fuck it. One guy ruined it for the rest! One of the hardest things for me to do is let go of the past and just move on without bagagge from wat was or wat used to be. I may not stress the guy verbally about it but my actions hold true that Ive been hurt before and Im not going to let you hurt me before I hurt you! && most of them don't even know it. But I never had intentions of hurting anyone, I just was SCARED of being alone and getting played, but in all reality I guess I was playing myself. All I want now is a break, and it scares me to actually believe that Im receiving that KIt Kat bar as I speak! I think Ive met my match, but Im so used to disappointment that Im just waiting for Ashton to jump out and say you've been punked! Alot of things are leading me to believe he and I were no accident && hurting him is surely not an option, but Im scared of relapsing to my old habits. Ugh! Why cant I just let go and let someone love me because I know I deserve it! I guess ima just give it to God cuz he knows better than I do!